every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
