Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
