Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
