I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
