Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
