Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
