know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize