my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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