ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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