all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
