Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
