meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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