He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize