I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
