we have officially lost it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
