why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
