Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There r osticjed everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
