she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
