just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
