I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
