He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
