and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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