It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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