once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
