I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
50% drunk capacity currently
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
