flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
