sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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