I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
