hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
