How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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