I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize