Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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