i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
