Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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