you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
