real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Congratulations! We have a period
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