If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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