When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
