never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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