I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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