it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
