the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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