good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
