i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
