I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
