So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
