At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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