Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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