i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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