Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
