Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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