do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i think i just lost a toe
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
PANTIES FOUND
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
