His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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