Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
