Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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