before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
