so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
