he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
