Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
