I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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