i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
