Already got asked if we're dating
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
