Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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