I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize