You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
