the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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