Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
