look no pants
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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