I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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