I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
